1,676 days

May 6th is a tricky day for me.

It’s the day before everything changed.  The day before diagnosis.  The day before diabetes came knocking.

For 1,676 days from October 4th, 2008 through May 6th, 2013 we had it pretty easy.  She could eat whenever and wherever she wanted to without us giving it a second thought.  If we forgot our diaper bag at home, we could run into any Target to get what she needed.  We didn’t watch every little morsel of food she ate.  We let her play at the park, or swim in the pool for hours without worrying about anything except whether we applied enough sunscreen to her fair skin.  She was a great sleeper, and we were pretty well-rested parents.

All of those luxuries for 1,676 days.  Luxuries we didn’t realize were so luxurious.  Easy uncomplicated meals and outings that we took for granted.  May 6th was the last day of the easy life for us.  Except on that day in 2013 I didn’t realize how easy we had it.  I was six months pregnant and tired.  My 2 year old was fussy and my 4 year old was driving me crazy with her constant need to go potty.  That seemed hard.

I had no idea.

When I look back at pictures of Mackenna as a baby and toddler, my mind goes back to those pre-diagnosis days and I miss them.  I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this because I so badly wish we could go back.  I long for the days when her life was less complicated.  When I didn’t have to interrupt her play to check her blood sugar, and it was no big deal if she decided not to finish her food.  I miss it so much it hurts.

Tomorrow is May 7th…diagnosis day.  It will be Mackenna’s third diaversary.  And we will celebrate.

But today, I will allow myself to grieve, once again, what has been lost.  I will ask the Lord for comfort.  I will ask Him to continue guarding my heart, and Mackenna’s, against hopelessness.  I will thank Him for 1,676 beautiful days without type 1 diabetes and for the reminder that every day with my children is a gift!  May I take none of them for granted.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”  -Matthew 5:4

 

In April of 2013, just a few weeks before Mackenna was diagnosed, we went on a beach vacation with some of our best friends.  I consider the timing of that trip a huge gift from the Lord.  It was one last vacation without syringes, and insulin and carb counting.  Had we gone on that vacation just a little bit later, our diagnosis story may have been drastically different.  His timing is always perfect.  When I look through these images from that Florida vacation in 2013, the one thing that sticks out to me is that even though it seems everything has changed since then, she has not.  She is still happy and silly and joyful.  And I am crazy blessed to be her mama!