Strength for Today

Four years ago today, the bottom fell out from beneath my feet.

“I have good news and bad news,” the doctor said.  “The good news is that Mackenna is going to be just fine.  The bad news is that she has type 1 diabetes.”

In some ways, I knew what that diagnosis meant.  But four years later, I know that in most ways, I had no clue.

I didn’t know that I’d never sleep through the night again.  Ever.

I didn’t know that we’d be making medical decisions for our daughter on nearly an hourly basis every single day.

I didn’t know that we’d have to understand so much about carb absorption and basal rates and infusion sets.

I didn’t understand then that the insulin I was responsible for dosing to keep her alive, also had the power to kill her if I misjudged the amount.

I didn’t know how to count the carbs, calculate the dose and inject the insulin while juggling the normal things that moms do.  Pregnant moms with preschoolers and toddlers at their feet.

I didn’t know how I would ever manage this big scary thing for my happy little girl.

But there are other kinds of things I didn’t know.

I did not know that my daughter would be the one to teach me the real meanings of joy and perseverance.

I had no clue how strong she was.

I had no idea how brave a child can be when she needed to be.

I did not yet understand that faith really does overcome fear.

I did not yet know how it feels to be wrapped up in peace that passes understanding.

I did not fully understand that the Author writes the story.  That He pens the twists and turns.  He writes the parts when the bottoms fall out from unsuspecting characters.  That I am one of His characters and He holds the pen, not me.

And I had no clue how loved and cared for and protected we would feel while the floor was falling and our hearts were breaking.  No clue how safe we would feel relying on nothing but the Author’s promises.  That He is good.  And He loves us so.

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

That’s how we get through the day-to-day with type 1 diabetes.  Sometimes we are so tired of it.  She and I both.  So tired of pressing pause to check blood sugar.  So tired of weighing and measuring and counting carbs.  So tired of site changes.  It’s a lot and there’s no end to it.  Sometimes it’s best for us to be a little nearsighted.  Strength for today.  The next meal, the next sporting event, the next site change.  One thing at a time.  Strength for today.

And bright hope for tomorrow.  Some times the big picture of life with t1d seems overwhelming and scary.  She’s 8 now, which means she’s got a lot of living left to do…a lot more years to deal with type 1 diabetes.  But we really do have great hopes for tomorrow.  The advancements in technology even in the past four years have been incredible.  We have huge hopes for better tools and ultimately for a cure.  And of course our greatest Hope is in Jesus Christ.  That one day, we’ll walk on streets of gold and praise His name for ending all heartache and all diseases for all of eternity.

“I’ve got good news and bad news for you,” the Author says.  “The bad news is that in this world you will have pain, heartache and trouble.  And the good news is that I am prepared to equip you with the strength you need for each and every day.  And I AM the Bright Hope of tomorrow.”

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To my Mackenna Joy,

You blow me away.  Your life is such a gift to me. Thank you for teaching me about courage and joy and strength and passion.  You’re kicking t1d butt on a daily basis and Daddy and I are so so so proud of you!  Happy 4th Diaversary, Sugar Booger!

(To read more details about Mackenna’s diagnosis story, click here.  And for information on the warning signs of type 1 diabetes, click here.)