Back to school…and a lesson for Mommy

Without going into detail that might one day embarrass her…let me just say that the last few weeks have not been easy for us.  She’s made poor choices.  She’s been warned.  She’s made those poor choices again.  She’s suffered consequences.  She’s pretended they didn’t affect her, even though I know they did.  She is her mother’s daughter after all.

And I’m honestly not sure if the battle is getting through to her yet.  I’m not sure if the truth I’m trying to impart on her is sinking in.  I’m not sure if my urging her to consider others first is making any sense to her.

But what I am sure of, is that parenting is hard.  I’ve never parented a nearly-7-year-old before and I am making mistakes.

Parenting is humbling.  I make poor choices.  I overreact.  I raise my voice.  I hold grudges.  I become bitter.

And parenting is sanctifying.

The thought that keeps coming to mind lately is that Justin and I are the ones who get to teach her what love is.  We get to demonstrate the love of Jesus to her more tangibly than anyone else.  We get to demonstrate mercy, grace, forgiveness.  But sometimes I’m not good at love and mercy and grace and forgiveness.  Especially when parenting is as challenging as it has been recently.

Yesterday was her first day of first grade.  And I had a hard time sending her off, feeling like things weren’t quite right between us.  So after we had breakfast, packed lunch, got dressed, and took the obligatory first day of school photos…I needed a moment with her.  Just to connect.  So we sat on the porch, and she snuggled up on my lap.  And I ran my fingers through her golden hair and told her that I was sorry.  I was sorry for being impatient.  Sorry for losing my temper.

And do you know what she said?

“Everyone makes bad choices, Mom.  Even parents sometimes.”  Grace.  Mercy.  Forgiveness.  LOVE.

I know I feel like it’s my job to teach her these things.  But in reality, a lot of the time, it’s her teaching me those things.  That God would use our children to urge us closer to Him…that He would use little ones to refine us, mold us, shape us…that’s just so like Him.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  (Lamentations 3:22-23)