Blessings

During the days and weeks after Mackenna’s diagnosis, friends and family members would shoot me messages saying, “I heard this song and thought of you guys.”  It happened more than a few times, so I started to compile a list of their songs.  Eventually I made a disc of them and it’s almost always playing on repeat in our van, enough that the kids know most of the lyrics.

These songs were powerful to me then, in the middle of a constant state of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.  And they are still powerful now.  They bring me back.  They remind me of the struggle and the weariness, but more importantly, they remind me of God’s truth.  And really the whole point of this blog is to point people (myself included) to that very truth.

So this week, in each of my posts, I’ll share one of the songs on that disc.  They aren’t songs about type 1 diabetes.  They are songs about hard times, and the goodness of God through it all.  If one of them brings someone to mind for you, please share it.  You don’t have to have type 1 diabetes in your home in order to appreciate the messages.  Everyone has hard things.  Everyone needs to hear the truth.

First up, “Blessings” by Laura Story.  Take a listen to it here, then come on back and find out what drew me to this song.

I’ll start by saying that the line, “What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near…” is what completely drew me into this song and made me turn up the volume.  Parents of children with type 1 diabetes can totally understand why.  We do not sleep.  When we leave the hospital and they give us orders to check blood sugars at midnight and 3 am for a few weeks, we groan a little.  But it doesn’t take long to realize that if we want our little fighters to even wake up in the morning, we’ll just keep doing those middle-of-the-night checks.  I actually just crunched the numbers and figured out it’s been 922 sleepless nights since Mackenna’s diagnosis.  Nearly a thousand.

I think Laura’s song is actually an answer to one of life’s biggest questions.  Why do bad things happen?  And if you’re a Christian, your question might be: Why does God allow bad things to happen.  That’s a big question.  One that probably floats through your mind when your child is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, or when your husband loses his job, or when you’re struggling with infertility, or when your best friend betrays you.  Why does bad stuff happen?  Why would a good God allow that?

I don’t know.  But one of the things that I’ve learned over the past two and a half years, is that it’s not really my job to know.  This life of mine, isn’t really about me.  Mackenna’s life is not really about her.  We exist because God has a story to tell and He has a part for us to play in it.  I’m not sure why he chose for Mackenna to live with type 1 diabetes.  But I believe that her diagnosis is part of His story.  And although I wish He would have written this chapter a little differently, I trust that the story ends well because He said that it will.  He sees the bigger picture.  He knows how many people will be touched by Mackenna’s story…how many lives will be changed when they see how she praises Him in the storm.

The thought has occurred to me, that maybe it’s me.  Maybe it’s me who needed to feel His nearness more deeply.  Needed to experience His mercy more fully.  Maybe I’m the one that needed a daily reminder that this is not my home.  I don’t know.  Some day I’ll ask Him.

“For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”  Hebrews 13:14 NLT