Lord, I need you

Song week continues!  If you are just joining me today, be sure to hop over here and see what song I wrote about first this week.

So the second song I wanted to share with you is “Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher.  Take a listen to it and then I’ll let you know why I chose it.

The date of Mackenna’s diagnosis and the days following were absolutely my most desperate days of motherhood so far.  I was desperate for rest.  Desperate for peace.  Desperate for joy.  Desperate for things to go back to the way they were.  Desperate for strength.  I felt helpless, weary and weak.  This song, “Lord, I need you” became a constant prayer.

When my mind started to wander toward thoughts like, “Why her?” or “I can’t believe this is our life now.”  “I can’t do this.  I’m not strong enough to parent a child with a chronic illness.”  The weight of those thoughts was crushing.  And they’d come out of nowhere.  I’d be making dinner.  Or folding laundry.  Or seeing other kids at the store, kids without type 1 diabetes.  And I’d fall apart.  To be super honest with you, those thoughts seem to still come back out of nowhere, and I still fall apart a little.

Lyrics like this, remind me of the truth that I’m kind of right.  I actually can’t do this, not on my own.  Lord, I need you.  Every hour, I need You.  And when I cannot stand, I’ll fall on You.

In 2 Corinthians chapter 12, Paul has pleaded with the Lord to remove a thorn from his flesh.  He’s not talking about an actual thorn; it’s more of a metaphor for some difficult, painful, frustrating thing he’s been made to deal with.  He pleaded three times to the Lord, asking him to take it away.  Could the Lord have removed the thorn from Paul’s life.  Absolutely.  But He chose not to.  He responded by saying,

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  (2 Corinthians 12: 9)

God’s grace is enough to make up for my weaknesses, my exhaustion, my mistakes.  And when I am weak, when I cannot stand, and I fall on Him…that’s when His perfect power is revealed.  When people start to get a glimpse of what our life looks like: the endless sleepless nights, the constant monitoring, all of the extra steps…at some point, most people say something like, “I don’t know how you do it.”

How do we do it?  We are not super humans who don’t need as much sleep as everyone else.  We are not control-type, number-crunching people who just love to collect and analyze data 24/7.  We are able to do this difficult life because we have a God who loves us.  He gives us what we need, whether it’s a child sleeping in late, or a friend offering to watch our kids…He gives us what we need, just when we need it.  And in my weakness, I see His strength.  I feel His power.

I’ve pleaded with the Lord more than three times to cure Mackenna from type 1 diabetes, to remove her thorn.  And He has, so far, chosen not to.  But that doesn’t mean He has abandoned us.  Nope.  He loves that little girl way more than I do.  If curing her would bring Him the most glory, He would do it.  So until He does, I think that my hourly reliance on Him for grace and strength is the glory He desires most.