The Joy Before Me

In my last post (here), I wrote about approaching life’s waves, and my plan to call upon the Lord and focus on keeping my eyes on Him and not on the waves surrounding me.  And for the most part, I was referring to the waves of motherhood that are exhausting, frustrating, annoying, tricky.  You know, the spilled gallon of apple juice, the endless piles of laundry, the skinned knees and the siblings who cannot seem to do anything except argue.  The little blips in my day of mothering that do not go as planned and are less than ideal.

But sometimes the waves are big.  I mean, really big, like bigger than what seems doable.  Bigger than we can possibly handle.

Have you ever been in a wave pool?  I remember being at a water park with some friends when I was in junior high.  The water park had a wave pool that entertained its crowds with alternating fifteen minute periods of waves and calm.  During a period of calm, my friends and I swam out to the deep end of the pool.  While most people were relaxing in tubes as they waited for the waves, we just swam out to the deep end without a tube and without a plan.  Well, once the fifteen minutes of calm ended, the waves began and there I was…at the deep end of the wave pool and the waves were coming…hard and fast.  I quickly grabbed a railing on the side of the pool and hung on for dear life.  Quite literally.  I tried to keep my cool in front of my friends but I. was. terrified!  I struggled to hang on.  Struggled to catch a breath in between each huge crashing wave.  Struggled to keep myself knowing which way was up.  I remember thinking, how much longer can this last?  How many more minutes until it calms down?  How much longer can I even hang on like this?  After what seemed like WAY longer than fifteen minutes, the waves stopped just as quickly as they started.  And the water was calm.  And I swam safely back to the shallow end.

Sometimes life delivers huge crushing waves.  When Mackenna was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 4 1/2, that was quite a crushing blow.  There were days when I felt like I was suffocating beneath the weight of burden and responsibility and exhaustion and heartbreak.  There were nights when I felt like I couldn’t hold on any longer.  Moments when I felt like I couldn’t handle the life we’d been dealt, not physically and not emotionally.  Have you ever felt like that?  A job loss, a break-up, a diagnosis, a loss of precious life.  Those are BIG crushing waves!  Waves that seem insurmountable.  How will we ever get through this kinds of waves.  How much longer can this last kinds of waves.  How much longer can I hang on kinds of waves.  Struggling to catch your breath kinds of waves.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”  Not only is that totally not Biblical, but I personally think that it’s a huge lie.  Do you think Moses could handle leading the Egyptians out of slavery and into forty years of roaming in the desert?  Do you think David, a small young boy, could handle a one-on-one battle against a giant?  Do you think Mary could handle being an unwed pregnant Jewish teenager?  NO!  Life is hard and no one gets a free pass from hard things.  We will all have crushing waves that leave us thinking, “I cannot handle this…It’s too hard…I’m not strong enough…”  Because the truth is we can’t handle it all.  It is too hard.  And we are not strong enough.  But there is One who is.

Are you familiar with the story in Matthew 14 when Jesus walks on water?  Well, in the middle of a storm Jesus walked about three miles on the water to meet his disciples at the fishing boat they were struggling to control against the wind and waves.  Three miles!  In a storm!  When it was still dark out!  Talk about being strong enough to handle hard things, right?!  We can’t, but He absolutely can!  Well, when Peter sees Jesus walking on the water, he wants to try it too and here’s how it goes down:

He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”  (Matthew 14:29-30)

Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him… (Matthew 14:31)

I love so much about this story.  First, I love Peter’s childlike faith.  He saw Jesus walking on the water and wanted to try it too, not thinking twice about the fact that he was just Peter, not Jesus.  Second, I love how human Peter is.  He saw the wind and was afraid.  He had the Son of God within arm’s reach and he was afraid!  Me and Peter…we have so much in common!  I wasn’t trying to walk on water, but when I saw the terrifying wave of “diagnosis” in front of my baby girl, I was afraid too!  And the Son of God is just as close to me as He was to Peter.  Third, I love that Jesus’s response to Peter’s fear and panic was to immediately reach out and hold his hand.  Isn’t that how we respond to our children when they are afraid?  We go to them.  We hug them.  We hold them.  Jesus loves us like that, like His children, and He wants to hold us through the storms and through the waves.  Finally, I love that this story makes me think that Jesus KNOWS how we feel when we are afraid.  He knows that sometimes fear feels suffocating, like we are drowning, like we aren’t sure how much we can endure.

Pain, loss, fear.  Those waves can be huge and crushing and more than we can handle.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Jesus can walk on stormy water, on top of the waves.  He is right there to hold us up when we cry out, “Save me, Lord.”  So as the song goes…”I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves.  When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace.  For I am yours, and you are mine.”