To the ones who do the dirty work. The messy work. The tired work. The dishes and laundry and toilets and floors. The work that doesn’t get noticed unless it doesn’t get done.
To the ones who make things better. With hands that wipe tears and noses. Arms that provide security and comfort. With faces that reassure, and kisses that heal. With eyes that see what’s really wrong and the heart that knows just what to say…or not to say.
To the ones who have lost sleep. Sleep lost to sick children. Lost to big storms and bad dreams. Sleep lost to worry.
To the ones who have lost. Clinging to memories made and wishing there would have been many more. Yearning for the day you’ll meet again on streets of gold
To the ones who are on their knees in prayer. Begging for a cure, an answer, a bit of good news. Seeking wisdom, asking forgiveness, finding comfort.
To the ones who love. so. hard. Putting your people first always. Playing, feeding, nurturing, giving. Making sure they have what they need while your coffees and your dinners grow cold.
To the ones who discipline. Teaching them wrong from right and that choices have consequences. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Explaining again, why there’s another time-out, again for the same offense. Putting in the hard work that’s required for turning selfish and naughty into kind and responsible.
To the ones who disciple. Leading by example. Pointing to the Word. Leaning on Jesus. Issuing grace, patience, forgiveness.
To you, mother, mama, mom…
You have a huge job. And you do it day in and day out. And you do it well. And while they may not say it, they do see it. And they adore you. They admire you. You are the one.
Happy Mothers Day.
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May 6th is a tricky day for me.
It’s the day before everything changed. The day before diagnosis. The day before diabetes came knocking.
For 1,676 days from October 4th, 2008 through May 6th, 2013 we had it pretty easy. She could eat whenever and wherever she wanted to without us giving it a second thought. If we forgot our diaper bag at home, we could run into any Target to get what she needed. We didn’t watch every little morsel of food she ate. We let her play at the park, or swim in the pool for hours without worrying about anything except whether we applied enough sunscreen to her fair skin. She was a great sleeper, and we were pretty well-rested parents.
All of those luxuries for 1,676 days. Luxuries we didn’t realize were so luxurious. Easy uncomplicated meals and outings that we took for granted. May 6th was the last day of the easy life for us. Except on that day in 2013 I didn’t realize how easy we had it. I was six months pregnant and tired. My 2 year old was fussy and my 4 year old was driving me crazy with her constant need to go potty. That seemed hard.
I had no idea.
When I look back at pictures of Mackenna as a baby and toddler, my mind goes back to those pre-diagnosis days and I miss them. I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this because I so badly wish we could go back. I long for the days when her life was less complicated. When I didn’t have to interrupt her play to check her blood sugar, and it was no big deal if she decided not to finish her food. I miss it so much it hurts.
Tomorrow is May 7th…diagnosis day. It will be Mackenna’s third diaversary. And we will celebrate.
But today, I will allow myself to grieve, once again, what has been lost. I will ask the Lord for comfort. I will ask Him to continue guarding my heart, and Mackenna’s, against hopelessness. I will thank Him for 1,676 beautiful days without type 1 diabetes and for the reminder that every day with my children is a gift! May I take none of them for granted.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” -Matthew 5:4
In April of 2013, just a few weeks before Mackenna was diagnosed, we went on a beach vacation with some of our best friends. I consider the timing of that trip a huge gift from the Lord. It was one last vacation without syringes, and insulin and carb counting. Had we gone on that vacation just a little bit later, our diagnosis story may have been drastically different. His timing is always perfect. When I look through these images from that Florida vacation in 2013, the one thing that sticks out to me is that even though it seems everything has changed since then, she has not. She is still happy and silly and joyful. And I am crazy blessed to be her mama!
You know those days that start out ridiculously early…say 5:30am-ish, when one of your kiddos is wide awake because he just wants yogurt and a cartoon and another one is wide awake because he wet his sheets? One of those mornings when you hear an explosion coming from your refrigerator at about 6am and inside, discover a can had frozen and exploded its contents all over?
One of those mornings when you are truly in awe at how much you have accomplished before the clock strikes 6:15am…stripping a bed, laundry, bathing one kiddo, cleaning out the fridge, feeding two children?
One of those mornings when you wake up and immediately start to calculate how much longer until you can go back to sleep.
Maybe it’s just me.
I think probably not though. I think we all have days that start out tough. Days that might get better, but also might not. The days when we are non-stop busy doing all the things that need to be done, but weren’t even on the to-do list. (Nope, I definitely did not plan to clean out the refrigerator yesterday.)
This stage of life, raising little ones is draining. They need me for most things, and they want me close by for most of the other things. My mothering does not stop when one leaves for school and one is napping. It doesn’t stop when their daddy comes home from work. It doesn’t stop when they sleep. It’s a job without holidays, without sick days and without vacations. I’m not complaining. Being their mom is my calling right now, and sometimes fetching the 5:30am yogurt is part of that. I feel honored that God chose me to mother these children. So honored. And I know how blessed I am to be able to stay home with them.
But I’m tired. Every day, I’m tired. A good night’s sleep is not really a reality for most parents with little ones, and is definitely not a reality for any parent of a child with type 1 diabetes. I think I will always be tired, but I want to learn how to rest in the Lord. He says He will give me rest, but I don’t think that means 8 straight hours of sleep. No, I think it’s more of an offer of comfort, support and strength to get through the long days. So that when 10am feels like 10pm and I’m at the end of my rope and stuff is exploding in my refrigerator, I don’t lose my cool.
“Yes, my soul, find rest in God…” –Psalm 62:5
Are you tired? Grab some crayons or markers and print off a copy of this scripture coloring page (or maybe a few if your kiddos like to color too). Turn on some worship music (my current favorites include All Sons and Daughters, & Rend Collective), and as you color in the tiny spaces of that paper, ask God to fill in all your tiny spaces with his grace and goodness. Ask him to fill you with patience and energy, forgiveness and love. See if you aren’t maybe feeling a little bit more rested when you’re done coloring.
Psalm 62 5 color sheet
I recently joined in on a new Bible study at our church, a study by Jennie Allen titled “Chase”. Jennie is teaching us about the life of David, while also challenging us to examine the things we tend to chase in life that are not God.
David is a pretty well-known Bible character. If there were newspapers during Bible times, David surely would have made quite a few headlines. He, as a young boy, defeated a giant named Goliath. He became the king of Israel. He authored many of the Psalms. David’s also famous for some pretty big sins including adultery and murder. And if it I were the editor of that newspaper, I would have made this our biggest story: David is the one person in the Bible famous for being a man after God’s own heart.
“God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart…’ ” –Acts 13:22
We’ll all stand before God one day. Don’t you want to hear that from him? That he considers you a woman after his own heart? I do! But I gotta tell you…if he called me home tonight, I’m pretty sure that isn’t the greeting I’d hear from him. In all honesty, I tend to chase other things more than I chase after God. Purpose, love, comfort, just to name a few. I tend to be more concerned with my kids and my husband, even my house and my wardrobe sometimes more than I am concerned with the heart of God.
Solomon, one of David’s sons, wrote this verse in the book of Ecclesiastes:
“I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind” –Ecclesiastes 1:14
I feel like I’m just chasing the wind sometimes. Chasing meaningless things that just don’t matter in the light of eternity. But I don’t want to. I’m so excited to continue on in this study and learn how to be more like David, a man after God’s own heart. In the meantime, I made this color sheet with Solomon’s wise words on it. It’s going to hang in my office as a reminder to focus on chasing what matters. If you’d like to print a copy for yourself, you can download the pdf right HERE.
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